What You Take With You

As the semester and my whole undergraduate education come to a close, I begin to wonder what pieces of it I will take with me and what will be disregarded. Which facts were merely crammed into my brain before a test and never converted into the long term.

Will I remember that this semester I learned that boys are more fragile in the womb than girls so most miscarriages are boys? Probably so, because that is something that I might end up being able to relate to in the future. Will I remember the year that Catcher in the Rye was written or the mechanics of human biology? Probably not. But will I remember the minutia of all that I learned in my creative writing classes and workshops? Absolutely. It is those classes that I will truly miss. The laughs and completely off-the-wall discussions that can only be produced by a group of crazy writers. And I say crazy in an affectionate way. Because those classes have made these last few semesters worth getting through.  Thanks Prof. McKinney, Rice and Grandbois.

I'm sure there will be other random facts and experiences that will creep into my mind in the future that actually did stick. But it's hard not to look at the large quantities of information that are no longer there. It's a little sad – to spend so much time and money on receiving that information - and having so much of it not get into my brain.

But I guess that isn't really what college was supposed to be about. At least not for me. For me, it was growing into the person I am now and learning about who I really am and who I want to become. There is so much that I have discovered or re-discovered about who I really am during these last five years, it really is hard to even pinpoint how I got from point A to point B. I am now an avid exerciser and not because I have to be, but because I want to be. I love playing softball. I want to do more yoga. I love to write and play music, in so many different capacities. I hope to be able to cultivate all of these in the coming months and years with the absence of school. I am now a wife, and we have a beautiful future ahead of us. Chris has made me a (calmer) and better person and continues to allow me to figure out who I am everyday and to support those continued changes.

School was a part of the path I needed to take, and it may be cynical for me to say but, in the end – it's only a degree. An important piece of the puzzle, but not everything.


So finally, I leave you with two things that one of my teachers this semester left us with on one of our last days of class. It may sound kitchy or cliché to say, but there are some things that are just so true that you have to share them.

“Seek out life experiences, not possessions."

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.” Viktor Frankl

So go out there and seek out all of the great experiences life has to offer!

And always remember that even in the worst of situations, you have the ability to choose your own attitude.  That is always a challenge for me, but one that I will always continue to welcome. 

And that, my friends, I believe is the greatest thing you can take with you out of college. Learning about life, and learning about yourself. The rest is just filler. :-)

Music Mondays: You Can't Always Get What You Want

I was torn today about which song to use for my Music Monday song of the week.  I came down with something over the weekend, so the sickness is bringing my strength down a bit.  And my ability to “just keep swimming” toward the end of this semester.   On top of that my news at the dentist was not super positive.  Not awful, but not great.  And that coupled with Chris’s dental problems has me a little bit on edge about figuring out how we are going to field those curve balls once he returns from Delaware. Inevitably, we will.  It’s just the interim of not knowing that is so frustrating.

But now that we are down to 11 days of both school and until Chris comes home...the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly getting brighter.  Not to mention the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead and that the Kings are staying in Sacramento today.  Not half bad for a Monday.  :)

So I leave you with: “You can't always get what you want” - the version from the movie 21. Because I watched it this afternoon while home sick, and because the lyrics give an 'Everything Happens for a Reason' vibe that I need today.

“You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes...you just might find – you get what you need.” 

 

The Missing Focus

I think I have completely lost my ability to focus on one solitary task. I literally have to continuously be focused on more than one thing or I get freaked out that I should be doing something else. In fact while working on this post, I have already glanced at my day planner once twice and opened up facebook.

Now I am not sure whether this collapse in my single task powers has to do with the overwhelming additions in technology and social networking over the years or whether it's the fact that I have been doing school while focusing on not one, not two, but three jobs. One of which requires a lot of coordinating and scheduling. So my brain is on permanent disconnect when it comes to working or focusing on only one thing.

When I harness my multitasking powers for good – I get a lot done. But there are other times when they are just plain distracting.

Maybe being cut to just two jobs - it's sad that 48 hours a week is going to seem like a break – and no more school this summer will also help my single task skills return. Here's hoping.

And here's to dreaming of summer road trips,outdoor summer concerts, rafting, farmers markets, reading books of my own choosing and no more school!

A Simple Song

As much as I have been painstakingly counting down the days until the end of school...I've come to the point where looking back, I can't believe how quickly these 5 years have gone. I saw some old friends from high school who I haven't seen in a long time this past weekend, and I think it's those situations where the passing of time really hits you.

One of my friends, whose dance show I was going to see, I have known since preschool. It's amazing how quickly the time all goes by. I can hardly believe it has been 5 years since we sang "Seasons of Love" at my high school graduation. And in 18 days I will be done with college. In just over a month I will have been married for a year. Chris will be home, and our lives will be so completely different, it's nearly impossible to think about.

But in a good way.

Typically being eternally terrified of change, it's really great for once to be able to honestly say that I am excited for the change. Because this time it's not something to be afraid of, but something I want to embrace and leap head first into.

As I think about the finish line being in sight, I also realize that I am going to have to change the title of my blog. Because it will no longer be the last year of college and the first year of marriage. I think I may have settled on a title. One of my favorite songs by Michael Franti, "Never Too Late" has a quote in it:

"On the long road, you got a long time to sing a simple song"

That line has always stuck with me and I think it will suit the thought process behind me and this blog. It's a long road and though my meandering musings may not typically be huge in substance, their simplicity is what adds spice to my life.  Though, I know I have a few friends out there who read this, it's like a simple song I can sing to myself. 

Below is the song - and here starts a new tradition on this blog - Music Mondays. Every Monday (or at least most) - I will post a new song, be it an old song, a random song, a new song or one i just happened to run across on Pandora.
 
Enjoy.
 

Adventures in San Francisco

I am not sure whether it is possible to leave San Francisco without some sort of story to back up the trip. Though some stories tend to be funnier and more random than others. Last Saturday was not to disappoint. For a fun, no specific plans day, my good friend Stephanie and I journeyed to the City by the Bay to do a little shopping and to visit Natalie. After scoring some 80% off shoes at DSW that shocked even the clerk, we hit up Forever 21, H&M and Ross. Yes, Ross. In the shopping mecca of San Francisco, we still took the time to go to Ross. Don't judge.

After walking off a week of Easter candy and filling our tummies with the cheapest, best sushi in the Richmond district, Natalie left us to visit Green Apple on our own. (Best used bookstore ever by the way) However, we encountered a problem when super creeper man started staring and following us around. When he clearly wasn't going to stop, we knew it was time to head on out of there. A few minutes of freezing SF wind later and we thought we had made it safely to the muni stop that would take us to BART and lead us toward home.

We were huddling under a doorway waiting for the muni when this shorter man in black comes running jaywalking across Geary heading for us. He was almost skipping and had his hair pulled back into a ponytail, native American feathers hanging from the side of his head, and wait for it... his face covered in black and white paint, which we took to be some sort of skull face paint...

He comes uncomfortably close holds out his hand and says "I'm (mumbles something unintelligible)."

Steph awkwardly takes his hand and says, "I'm Stephanie."

Guy:"What are you doing?"

Steph: "We're going home."

Guy: "Well I'm celebrating my panda birthday!"   (Duh, panda birthdays, we should've known?) WHAT?

Steph: "Oh wow, your panda birthday?" - (See we were both in too much shock to come up with a witty retort after the green apple creeper encounter)

Guy: smiling crazy "Okay, bye!"

Then our new panda friend proceeds to go in at Steph for a hug and kisses her quickly on the cheek before we even knew what was happening, and then skips merrily down Geary in the opposite direction. 

It was one of those moments where you don't know what else to do but just laugh. So we laughed and  - after hand santizing both Stephanie's hands and cheek - we laughed some more.

So San Francisco, thanks as always, for the laughs and the stories - and I hope everyone else can enjoy a panda birthday once in a while. :)

Death By Easter Candy

I have to say…if there’s one season that’s the best worst for candy, it would have to be now – Easter time.  Sure, there’s the candy corn at Halloween and all of those extra candies and baked goods around Christmas time but nothing compares to Cadbury eggs and jelly beans.  They are absolute kryptonite for me.  It doesn’t help my compulsion that my co-worker at one of my jobs tends to always have those little suckers hanging around at this time of year.  Though, they have been conspicuously absent at work, thus far.  But that hasn’t stopped me from still managing to sneak an egg here, a bag of jelly beans there hidden among my other much healthier groceries.  Nor does it help that Easter candy season just happens to coincide with Girl Scout cookie season.  Or the fact that every other candy company (ahem, Sees) shapes their regular candy into cute little Easter shapes just screaming – buy me!  Good marketing on their part. 

Now, as some weeks my gym routine suffers due to the over-the-top busy schedule of this final semester, and the fact that sometimes - I just can’t do it all, so wish me luck in resisting those damn Easter treats during my shopping this afternoon.  Will power inevitably will fail.  But that’s okay.  Back on the gym going, zumba dancing, bodypump doing, softball playing wagon next week.  I needed a rest.   

And some chocolate.

Rory Crisis Subsiding

After an extremely busy weekend of graduation picture taking by one great friend, seeing my best friend after a 5 month separation, seeing my mom and taking her shopping as well as a CCYW event with another great friend and the BP 77 launch -- plus all the usual weekend busyness, I was reminded of something I recently saw someone tweet.  (I can’t remember who, so sorry for no exact credit) But they said: 

There should be 3 days in the weekend, one for having fun, one for relaxing, and one for getting stuff done.   

I have to completely agree.  And with studying for school, I’d say there should be a 4^th one for homework. :) But luckily in 32 days, all of that will be over! (And Chris will be home!)

I also think this weekend has brought me somewhat out of my Rory crisis funk.   Now, my friends who loved (still love) Gilmore Girls, will recall the episode where Rory is about to graduate college and has a complete what-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life meltdown.  And I know many of my friends have experienced the same crisis in recent years, months, days.

You feel like graduation is hurling towards you and while you are counting down the days – see above – it is still scary to not know what you’ll be doing after you move that tassel over.  It also doesn’t help that everyone around you seems to have post grad plans for masters’ degrees, law school, and/or other great adventures.  You find yourself saying, well maybe I SHOULD go to grad school, apply to law schools, get a teaching credential, find some sort of other internship to apply for… But then you have to stop yourself and say, why the hell would I want to do that right now?? 

By the way, if I see another job posting for an unpaid internship, I might throw something through my computer.   It is such total BS that entry level jobs (particularly in the editing/writing/publishing fields) have turned into unpaid internships.  By not being a trust fund baby, I apparently don’t earn the right to get that experience.  Okay, that rant is for another blog. 

Granted, I do have more of my ducks in a row than most graduating seniors who are typically looking at the prospect of moving back in with their parents. I have an amazing husband who now is in the training stages of a really great job, many internships and other professional experiences under my belt, etc.  But even I still don’t have it all any of it figured out. 

Sure, I’d love to work for a book publisher, but is that a feasible goal?  Do I want to work with people, in marketing, write for a magazine, a website, a university, or some other random company that happens to catch my eye on craigslist? The answer is – I don’t know.  And I think I am starting to realize that that answer is okay.  It’s okay if I don’t have the perfect job right out of college.  It’s okay if I don’t have the perfect job, one year out of college.  And while money wise, I will have to make sure I do have enough work to keep us rolling along towards our financial and pre-baby bucket list goals, but if in June I’m still pretty much right where I am now, then everything will be just fine.