The First "Non-First" Day of School

Today marks the first “non-first” day of school for me in 18 years. I was so awash in my current state of life, I almost forgot about it. Last night, when I realized that Sac State was starting up again today and I didn’t have to go, I did a little happy dance, but I also thought I might feel some tinge of nostalgia. Of missing getting new books, notebooks and syllabi and seeing what was in store for the upcoming semester. (Yes I’m a dork and actually liked back-to-school shopping.)


But the nostalgia really wasn’t there. I have absolutely no desire to be sitting in class all day listening to teachers talk – half the time about subjects that I didn’t really find interesting. Perhaps it’s because I’m still too close to having graduated to miss school. And I'm sure I will miss the creative writing classes, eventually.

But maybe it’s just because I’m really happy where I am now. I really love my job and the people I work with. I love the friends I have made and grown closer to over the last year. I love and am really proud that I am finally licensed to teach zumba as of this weekend. Even though my 50 + hr work weeks plus 8-10 hours at the gym leave me exhausted and in need of multiple glasses of wine on the weekends – I really am happy. I don’t need to define myself by school or what major I am or how long until I graduate anymore. I can just be. I can be an adult, I can be a piano teacher, a zumba teacher, a writer, a “communications specialist.” I can just be me.

So as I start my longest day of the week – Work 7-330, Teaching 4-530, Body Pump/Zumba 630-8:30 – I am thankful that I will not end the day with homework, stress and anxiety. But with my favorite people at the gym and then my husband, a glass of wine and “The Big C” on TV. Happy Monday!

And for your Music Monday -- One of my fav new zumba songs from Alex’s classes:

Suavemente – Pitbull ft. Nayer and Mohombi <3

Music Mondays: Send Me on My Way

So today is a quick Music Monday post because of the inevitable last busy week of school.  The last week.  I can hardly believe it.   I remember 5 years ago counting down the days until the end of high school.  It seems like both so much longer and so much shorter than that.  And just as that countdown did, this one signifies another huge change in my life.   Today I say goodbye to a job that I have had for 4 years.  One of many goodbyes that will probably happen over the course of the year.  But it is time for a change.  Now, I if anybody, knows that life is always going to be far from perfect.  But things will certainly be looking up as this week draws to a close.  So send me on my way.
Today's song is "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root.   One that always makes me smile.  This one's for you Nat.  Here we go, on our way.

What You Take With You

As the semester and my whole undergraduate education come to a close, I begin to wonder what pieces of it I will take with me and what will be disregarded. Which facts were merely crammed into my brain before a test and never converted into the long term.

Will I remember that this semester I learned that boys are more fragile in the womb than girls so most miscarriages are boys? Probably so, because that is something that I might end up being able to relate to in the future. Will I remember the year that Catcher in the Rye was written or the mechanics of human biology? Probably not. But will I remember the minutia of all that I learned in my creative writing classes and workshops? Absolutely. It is those classes that I will truly miss. The laughs and completely off-the-wall discussions that can only be produced by a group of crazy writers. And I say crazy in an affectionate way. Because those classes have made these last few semesters worth getting through.  Thanks Prof. McKinney, Rice and Grandbois.

I'm sure there will be other random facts and experiences that will creep into my mind in the future that actually did stick. But it's hard not to look at the large quantities of information that are no longer there. It's a little sad – to spend so much time and money on receiving that information - and having so much of it not get into my brain.

But I guess that isn't really what college was supposed to be about. At least not for me. For me, it was growing into the person I am now and learning about who I really am and who I want to become. There is so much that I have discovered or re-discovered about who I really am during these last five years, it really is hard to even pinpoint how I got from point A to point B. I am now an avid exerciser and not because I have to be, but because I want to be. I love playing softball. I want to do more yoga. I love to write and play music, in so many different capacities. I hope to be able to cultivate all of these in the coming months and years with the absence of school. I am now a wife, and we have a beautiful future ahead of us. Chris has made me a (calmer) and better person and continues to allow me to figure out who I am everyday and to support those continued changes.

School was a part of the path I needed to take, and it may be cynical for me to say but, in the end – it's only a degree. An important piece of the puzzle, but not everything.


So finally, I leave you with two things that one of my teachers this semester left us with on one of our last days of class. It may sound kitchy or cliché to say, but there are some things that are just so true that you have to share them.

“Seek out life experiences, not possessions."

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.” Viktor Frankl

So go out there and seek out all of the great experiences life has to offer!

And always remember that even in the worst of situations, you have the ability to choose your own attitude.  That is always a challenge for me, but one that I will always continue to welcome. 

And that, my friends, I believe is the greatest thing you can take with you out of college. Learning about life, and learning about yourself. The rest is just filler. :-)

Music Mondays: You Can't Always Get What You Want

I was torn today about which song to use for my Music Monday song of the week.  I came down with something over the weekend, so the sickness is bringing my strength down a bit.  And my ability to “just keep swimming” toward the end of this semester.   On top of that my news at the dentist was not super positive.  Not awful, but not great.  And that coupled with Chris’s dental problems has me a little bit on edge about figuring out how we are going to field those curve balls once he returns from Delaware. Inevitably, we will.  It’s just the interim of not knowing that is so frustrating.

But now that we are down to 11 days of both school and until Chris comes home...the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly getting brighter.  Not to mention the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead and that the Kings are staying in Sacramento today.  Not half bad for a Monday.  :)

So I leave you with: “You can't always get what you want” - the version from the movie 21. Because I watched it this afternoon while home sick, and because the lyrics give an 'Everything Happens for a Reason' vibe that I need today.

“You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes...you just might find – you get what you need.” 

 

A Simple Song

As much as I have been painstakingly counting down the days until the end of school...I've come to the point where looking back, I can't believe how quickly these 5 years have gone. I saw some old friends from high school who I haven't seen in a long time this past weekend, and I think it's those situations where the passing of time really hits you.

One of my friends, whose dance show I was going to see, I have known since preschool. It's amazing how quickly the time all goes by. I can hardly believe it has been 5 years since we sang "Seasons of Love" at my high school graduation. And in 18 days I will be done with college. In just over a month I will have been married for a year. Chris will be home, and our lives will be so completely different, it's nearly impossible to think about.

But in a good way.

Typically being eternally terrified of change, it's really great for once to be able to honestly say that I am excited for the change. Because this time it's not something to be afraid of, but something I want to embrace and leap head first into.

As I think about the finish line being in sight, I also realize that I am going to have to change the title of my blog. Because it will no longer be the last year of college and the first year of marriage. I think I may have settled on a title. One of my favorite songs by Michael Franti, "Never Too Late" has a quote in it:

"On the long road, you got a long time to sing a simple song"

That line has always stuck with me and I think it will suit the thought process behind me and this blog. It's a long road and though my meandering musings may not typically be huge in substance, their simplicity is what adds spice to my life.  Though, I know I have a few friends out there who read this, it's like a simple song I can sing to myself. 

Below is the song - and here starts a new tradition on this blog - Music Mondays. Every Monday (or at least most) - I will post a new song, be it an old song, a random song, a new song or one i just happened to run across on Pandora.
 
Enjoy.
 

Rory Crisis Subsiding

After an extremely busy weekend of graduation picture taking by one great friend, seeing my best friend after a 5 month separation, seeing my mom and taking her shopping as well as a CCYW event with another great friend and the BP 77 launch -- plus all the usual weekend busyness, I was reminded of something I recently saw someone tweet.  (I can’t remember who, so sorry for no exact credit) But they said: 

There should be 3 days in the weekend, one for having fun, one for relaxing, and one for getting stuff done.   

I have to completely agree.  And with studying for school, I’d say there should be a 4^th one for homework. :) But luckily in 32 days, all of that will be over! (And Chris will be home!)

I also think this weekend has brought me somewhat out of my Rory crisis funk.   Now, my friends who loved (still love) Gilmore Girls, will recall the episode where Rory is about to graduate college and has a complete what-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life meltdown.  And I know many of my friends have experienced the same crisis in recent years, months, days.

You feel like graduation is hurling towards you and while you are counting down the days – see above – it is still scary to not know what you’ll be doing after you move that tassel over.  It also doesn’t help that everyone around you seems to have post grad plans for masters’ degrees, law school, and/or other great adventures.  You find yourself saying, well maybe I SHOULD go to grad school, apply to law schools, get a teaching credential, find some sort of other internship to apply for… But then you have to stop yourself and say, why the hell would I want to do that right now?? 

By the way, if I see another job posting for an unpaid internship, I might throw something through my computer.   It is such total BS that entry level jobs (particularly in the editing/writing/publishing fields) have turned into unpaid internships.  By not being a trust fund baby, I apparently don’t earn the right to get that experience.  Okay, that rant is for another blog. 

Granted, I do have more of my ducks in a row than most graduating seniors who are typically looking at the prospect of moving back in with their parents. I have an amazing husband who now is in the training stages of a really great job, many internships and other professional experiences under my belt, etc.  But even I still don’t have it all any of it figured out. 

Sure, I’d love to work for a book publisher, but is that a feasible goal?  Do I want to work with people, in marketing, write for a magazine, a website, a university, or some other random company that happens to catch my eye on craigslist? The answer is – I don’t know.  And I think I am starting to realize that that answer is okay.  It’s okay if I don’t have the perfect job right out of college.  It’s okay if I don’t have the perfect job, one year out of college.  And while money wise, I will have to make sure I do have enough work to keep us rolling along towards our financial and pre-baby bucket list goals, but if in June I’m still pretty much right where I am now, then everything will be just fine. 

46 and the future

I’ll admit, as much as I try to live in the moment lately, some days it really is harder than others.  I had a nice week last week visiting with many friends and family that I haven’t seen in a long time and also added a new kitten 6member to our family.  (Post on him and our other new adopted kitty soon to come.)

But on this Monday, 46 days until Chris comes home, and 46 days until I am done with college, I am having a much easier time focusing on the future.  To having my husband back.  To being done with school. To just finally being able to start our lives for real.  To the time when I can read whatever books I want!  The list of books I want to read keeps growing longer and longer, and it is killing me to not have the time to read them. To the time when I can enjoy cooking dinner rather than sleepily throw some food in the microwave after a 12 hour day.  Having 3 jobs and finishing school while my husband is on the other side of the country is no badge of honor, and I sincerely look forward to the day when all of that is over. 

Inevitably though, getting through these 46 days is a requirement to getting to that happier point.  Because Chris getting through training and me having my degree is what will lead us to be able to fulfill our plans for the future.  

Europe in 2013, here we come.   

Pre-baby Bucket List, here we come.

Life -- here we come.

Yes, that may sound slightly over dramatic, but it’s completely how I feel right now.  But to leave you with something in-the-moment for today.  Train is quickly becoming one of my favorite artists. And I love this song!

The Last First Week

This has got to be the first year that I think I have been completely unexcited for school to start. Maybe it's because it's my last year.

Or perhaps it's just because I'm completely burnt out.

Or it could be this massive amount of required books that I will be reading:

(and that's minus 2 that I haven't bought yet)

Mostly I think it's because now that I am married, I feel even more ready for a regular job and am just tired of all the perpetual running around.

I hate the maze of parking on campus, speeding in zig-zags up the parking structure followed by the 20 minute walk into campus. Then there's the darting between large groups of students and maneuvering past the overzealous sorority and fraternity booths arriving barely on time, sweating and annoyed, only to end up sitting on the floor thanks to overcrowding in all state school classes these days. Because I am actually enrolled in all of my classes and not attempting to crash, I should tell the wait-listed people to just get out of my seat. But I'm nice, so I sit on the floor. In a dress. Awesome.

Then after the rest of my chaotic day and responsibilities, I arrive home frazzled and tired with a mountain of reading to do. Including middle English and obscure Norse mythology, no less.

Luckily, my husband is understanding of all of this and will continue to be understanding as I claw my way through these last 9 months of school.

So goodbye last first week of school – You won't be missed.